We No Speak Americano

Have you ever noticed the broken repeat button on the single song playlist in my head?  When I have a song stuck in there, it gets spit out so many times I annoy myself.  Well, right now, the only song on my Honors Student phone* is “We No Speak Americano”.  For those of you that are unfamiliar, it’s this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKT5qsVvkEY&feature=fvst.  (Even if you are familiar, you should play it right now.  Chances are I’m listening to it myself, so there you go…our 3^rd long distance connection!)

It’s a fitting title, actually.  My friends, they no speak Americano in Australia.  Or maybe they just don’t speak Adamo.  I do things a bit differently, and Aussies are taking note.  It’s been hot here.  High 80’s the last 3 days.  Now, when I go exercising in that kind of weather, it’s top-off-time!  I spent my first runs examining the others on the path, checking their attire, hoping to find some shirtless comrades as a cue that it’s an acceptable thing to do here.  Ari, tough news: we’re going to be the only ones!  At first, I kept it on.  It’s like at first, I put the toilet seat down, but today I pissed all over the metaphorical seat…with my shirt off.  Pumping my fist to the Americano song, with my toes almost as exposed as my nipples, I was startled when some guy layed on his horn and shouted something to the effect of how sexy I was in a sarcastic voice.



My running shoe of choice this evening.

            My Father-Son-Shared-Belly-Birthmark isn’t the only thing they’ve noticed.  I have some funny shopping habits as well.  On Saturday, I found a Big W (Target) within walking distance of my Darling Street one-bedder and emptied my bank account there.  I walked in at 4p and thought I had plenty of time ‘til close at 7.  At 6:45p, and $807 dollars later, I sprinted to the grocery store nearby to pick up some items Big W fell short of carrying, like garbage bags and bacterial hand soap.  (I heard once that anti-bacterial soap mutates your hands into a petri dish for the resistant 1% of bacteria it doesn’t kill.  Now I can’t buy the stuff.)  Anticipating a big shop, I brought my luggage to the store with me.  By the time I was all packed, about five Big W employees had come by to offer a hand.  While I was determined to get my new inventory home under my own power, I did manage to find a moment to pose for you.  At no point during the 15 minute roll home with my 4WD All Terrain Luggage (check out the wheels on those bad boys!) did I consider taking a $3 cab ride.  $807 at the store for some 300 thread count bed sheets, but I won’t splurge for the cab ride home.  I’m one strange dude!

Happy Thanksgiving!  Barbara, I am really missing your amazing Thanksgiving meals right now!

footnotes:

*that translates loosely to: really smart phone



Hair Today Gone Tomorrow

Hair Today…Gone Tomorrow

I got my first Aussie haircut today.  Unfortunate outcome!  The Ukranian grandmother and I had different ideas on what to do about my ‘do.  I asked for a trim, and as she cut the left side, I told her she could go shorter.  I’m not sure if there was a miscommunication there somewhere, but she went really short on the sideburn instead.  When she removed the powder brush from my face, I saw this guy staring back at me.  Seriously, I look like Lloyd plus a laughably undersized and crooked left sideburn.

A lot of people have been asking about my lady situation over here in Aussie land.  Apart from the fact that it just got worse, there wasn’t much to speak of beforehand.  I did take a yoga class from Lee on Tuesday night.  Lee was a very inspired instructor who wore pants too tight for her aging figure and the wrong underwear.  To draw our attention to this unpleasant fact, she relentlessly swiped her hand “up in a lifting motion” across her tush and then held her back uncomfortably straight as her ass fell back into place.  On the upside, practicing next to me was a really cute girl!  Sadly, I couldn’t tell if she was 16 or 20 and that’s a problem.   

In a surprising twist, I’ve been eating a lot of McDonalds.  Actually, all 3 of the Levy brothers have been on the Ron McDon Train.  It’s not what you think though…Classic Chicken Sandwich, grilled chicken, no mayo, no cheese.  It's probably healthier than Subway.  Plus the cone.  Oh I love that manufactured ice milk!

I’m moving into my South Yarra “One Bedder” on Saturday.  Application went through today!  That means I’ll be leaving The Stone Resort and the wonderful family that makes it such a warm home.  I included some photos of The Resort along with other Melbourne shots in this album.  
http://picasaweb.google.com/aussielevy/MelbourneAndTheStoneResort?authkey=Gv1sRgCLi7ubH_lqGX7gE#
This is a huge milestone, as it marks the beginning of some structured life.  George, the Greek coffee shop owner down the street from my new place, and I are good buds already.  It’s a very solid connection; he’s fascinated by my midnight trading occupation, and I’m very partial to his café.  He makes a mean Soy Chai Tea Late and is the only guy in Melbourne that will approve an egg white omelet order!  Now all is need is air conditioning and it’ll be safe for Ari to visit.

Good on ya, mates for reading this far!  Talk soon!

First Impressions

I feel like I’m finally getting my feet grounded a bit here in this not so far off land.  I arrived in Melbourne on Saturday morning to a wonderful family, gorgeous weather, and a side of no-jet-lag.  They told me the sky is bigger in Melbourne, and I believe it!  The sky, sometimes layered, seems to stretch on forever.  Good start to say the least.  I went to bed late, like at 2a, and woke up late, like at noon.  And you know what?  It didn’t  matter.  And the next day I did the same, and the next day I did the same.  And guess what?  Doesn’t even matter.  Adamo time: everytime!  (said in Borat voice with Aaron by my side) 

I’d have gotten to this blog earlier, but I’m keeping busy finding a place to rent and not getting blind-sided by cars as I cross the street.  Apart from the obvious dangers driving on the left provides us Americanos, it can also make for awkward interactions.  I’m constantly causing an uncomfortable stutter-step/stop encroaching-in-my-space situation as I attempt to enter the driver’s side of every car thinking it’s the passenger’s side.  It’s surprising how much of an idiot you feel like stepping into someone else’s driver’s seat.  You should try it so we can have a unique overseas connection about it’s resulting discomfort.  Brief interruption here:  I’ve just smacked the shit out of a fly that stupidly landed on my head.  I think it thought I wouldn’t go hacking away at my flowing locks cause I’ve just had such an amazing hair day today (and everyday since 2001 really), but it was dead wrong.  Dead wrong!!  Big dead bug on the kitchen counter next to me.  Thank you keppe for the solid swatting surface!  Bulbul. 

Yeah, the flies are bigger here, like the size of small bees, or the size of large flies.  Also, the ratio of getting pigeon shat on to taking the train is 1:1.  Happened to me in Rome too during my first week (remember Choppi?), so I that’s just a fantastic sign!  Oh, another amazing sign: guess who got a 1982 quarter from his $0.50 change when driving the “17-mile drive” outside of Monterey, California?  Uh huh, this guy!  I haven’t shared that with anyone yet.  Feel special now like I feel special.  See, another unique overseas connection.  We’re so close!

But really, Australia doesn’t feel so far away.  I think it’s their friendly nature.  When I landed in Sydney at midnight and dragged myself along with my luggage to the last bus heading to our hotel, some sweet airport employee started loading my luggage on the bus.  I tried to stop her, but it was too late!  In response to my thanks she smiled, “My pleasure.”  What?  How could that have been a pleasurable experience for her!  The airport staff must all be on high doses of anti-depressants.  It’s just strange.  I think Aussies pride themselves on being friendly.  I’m pretty sure that’s part of it.

Or maybe the 15,594 kilometers (that’s 9689 miles for you fact checkers) between us doesn’t feel so distant because they speak English here.  Nowhere I’ve traveled overseas (except London) has spoken English first.  So it feels comfortable.  I’m a bit of the Hez around these parts.  They say Tim Tam, I say Tam Tam (it’s a cookie); they say Dandenong Road, I say Dandelong Road.  It just makes more sense.  It’s not so funny to us, but let me tell you, I get a laugh like I’ve only seen in response to a good Hezi-ism.  Something like, “Anglo-Sexy” (Anglo-Saxon) or “Kung Fu” (tofu). 

So like I said, I’m starting to feel my way around here.  I’ve been on a few runs, and biked around a bit.  I’m totally breaking into the gym scene, too.  First 2 days I wore a t-shirt and nobody took notice.  But Tuesday I threw on the Ari Levy wife beater and it was on!  The guys and I engaged in the universal body scan, complete with a quick visual retreat upon recognition.  The girls were all like “I’m gonna exercise on this awesome piece of cardio equipment and never ever see you”, but the guys were like, “I gotta spot that guy!”  And so today, in my “Look Better Naked” cut-off, I let 'em spot me.  2 guys, Matt.  2 guys!  And with it, I’ve broken into the gym scene!

For those of you who are new to these blog situations (myself included), this is how it works.  I post some babble when I feel like it, and you get to read all about it.  I've created a google group called AussieLevy that will email you directly every time I blog.  If you sign up, you won't have to refresh your browser constantly for days on end while on hunger strike in protest ‘til my next post.  I think that's how it works.

I’ve posted more of my favorite pics from the trip on my new AussieLevy Picassa site.

http://picasaweb.google.com/aussielevy/NapaWithPflaumAndHighway1FromOaklandToLAX?authkey=Gv1sRgCPuKv6uYzZOTogE&feat=email#

Oh, and Happy Birthday to my sister!  Alicia, happy 30^th!  It’s definitely time for the percolator!

-Adamo